Burning the Candle at Both Ends

December 1, 1956

Today would have been my parents' 53rd anniversary, had they both lived to see the day.  I don't know why I have a thing for remembering dates and numbers, but I do. Don't ask me what I had for breakfast, but if you need to know by best friend's from third grade phone number I could ratlle it off in a wink (371-0011). Don't bother trying to call, they moved from that house thirty years ago!

But back to my parents. Mom has been gone over 21 years and it is not quite two years we're without Dad. But I don't doubt if they were both here, they would still be married. And that puzzles me, because if you knew my parents, you would know that theirs was not some great romantic love story.  Theirs was a marriage based in practicality.  My mother was a twenty-nine-year-old widow with a five-year-old daughter when she married my Dad. She grew up motherless from the age of four or so, and my Dad never knew much of his own father. Together they raised a family of seven children. And given the odds against them, I believe they could have written the book on parenting, and maybe even on marriage.

But today I was thinking of their marriage. December first was their one non-negotiable "date night" of the year. They would go out for dinner and then put a nice big dent in the Christmas shopping. It was a sure thing each year. Another sure thing was their Columbus Day fall foliage weekend in New England with Aunt Lillian and Uncle Butch. You  could count on it. just like over the years I was able to count on them. 

  No, my Dad was never one to come swooping in after work with flowers or candy. But you could find him rolling up his sleeves after dinner and working on his dishpan hands.  I am at the younger end of the brood, but I am told he never shyed away from a dirty diaper, either.  He supported my mother working outside the home when it wasn't yet the norm; he gave her freedom to become the woman she was meant to be, even though sometimes it meant stretching himself uncomfortably to accomodate her.  My Dad was not the most social person... my mom was the most social person. So you can imagine the stretching that took place!  He put up with many of my mom's most "Lucille Ball" crazy ideas... from a chicken coop and rabbit hutch (in suburbia), to a Christmas gift shop in the backyard, to opening our home to any and all who needed family; I could go on, but you get the idea.

Now my Mom was the social one. So she also needed to sacrifice some of her own desires for the sake of Dad's happiness.  There were many times she attended social functions alone because he just didn't like to socialize. It didn't seem like a big deal to me as a child, but now as an adult, I see it was huge!  I would hate attending major events, like weddings, without my husband. Yet, this is what she did most of the time. She also created a home that Dad looked forward to coming home to after a long day of working outside in the elements. This, in addtion to working full time.

So as I reflect on my parents' marriage today, I am grateful to them. They gave me the example of sacrifice; constancy; respect; and acceptance of one another that I hope I am bringing to my own marriage.  I thank God for the gift of his Grace lived out in their marriage and for the witness they unknowingly were to their children.

My Mom had a charm bracelet that had charms my Dad got her which had some significance. When she was near the end, she gave me a few of them. I tried to get a picture of one for today's post, but it didn't come out great. It is a calendar of the month of Decemer, 1956. There is a small diamond chip on the first day of the month, their anniversary.

 

Praying for God's Grace in all our marriages,

 

Hayrides and Santa and Leonids... oh my!

Earlier in the fall as Hannah and I were on a hayride at a small nearby farm I asked her how many hayrides she'd been on in her life. She pathetically looked at me and said "This is my first."

How did six years of her life go by without a hayride?   My first two children always had hayrides. This got me thinking about other childhood adventures she'd missed out on just because she is the youngest. One that immediately came to mind was Santa. While my first three, maybe even the fourth, had visits with Santa each year, I think last year was the first time Hannah got to meet him face-to-face (only because he was riding down our bock on the back of a firetruck, so I didn't have to do anything!) I blame this partly on the fact that over the years we have made a conscious effort to take the emphasis off of Santa and focus on the true meaning of Christmas. But still, those pictures of little ones all dressed  up and sharing their wishes with Santa are a staple of childhood, no? 

Then you have the "first-day-of-school pictures". In years gone by, I'd have shots of my first four, all cleaned and polished waiting for the bus in their neatly pressed school uniforms. Idyllic to be sure. Not so for the youngest two homeschoolers. First-day-of-school pictures , if we had them, would be the three of us, still in pj's sitting at the kitchen table with bedheads and sheet wrinkles on our faces! Not as idyllic.

What about grocery shopping? I have funny memories of shopping with a small child  riding on the front of the wagon, a baby sitting in the wagon and wearing an infant in some contraption on my belly. Good times!  Hannah almost never goes grocery shopping with me because there is always someone here to mind her. This makes my life a little easier; but I think grocery store outings can be a fun excursion for the littles. So now, I try and bring her along as much as possible. A little helper for me and little alone time with Mom for her. It works for both of us.

This brings me to the reason for this post. The reason I am so exhausted this morning. And the reason my cough has returned in spades. The Leonids. What????

Well, in thinking of activities we did with our older children, that maybe the two youngest have missed out on, meteor shower watching comes to mind.  I know, we live in a suburb of Manhattan. Trust me the light pollution alone, not to mention the lack of wide open sky should be enough to discourage  this pastime. But I can't help it. Dan and I are completely fascinated with gazing at the heavens. He has much more knowledge than I, and I have a bit more enthusiasm for dragging the whole crew outside at 3AM to wait for a the light show to begin. Here is a pciture of what I imagine we will see one of these years.   Never mind that there is almost NEVER a light show! Usually we do catch a few comets streaking across the yard; but for most people this wouldn't justify sitting outside in the cold at 3AM with your kids.  Coincidentally, last night was the optimum viewing night for the Leonid Meteor Shower. Guess what we were doing at 3AM?  I have to say, I did see a beautiful meteor arc right over the house after only about five minutes of waiting. That really got my hopes up. Truthfully, though, we should have called it quits after that. But the kids were really excited, all bundled up in blankets and whatnot. It was more clear out than it's been in a long time, so we did spend time identifying a few constellations. Orion was in full view which was neat... in these parts we are happy to just see his belt! As a matter of fact, for most of my life, I though Orion's Belt was the whole constellation!

So, I am off to ponder more ways my youngest two are being deprived of childhood memories! And to correct the problem.  At the same time, though, I do realize that in many ways, their lives are richer and fuller than the older kids BECAUSE they are the youngest and they have the older siblings. Not a bad tradeoff, to my mind!

 Don't forget to make some great memories with your kids today!

Seven Quick-Takes

Seven short items to update on life around here. Read more bloggers' Quick takes here .  

 #1 Wedding plans chugging along. We ordered the gown and it is gorgeous! And that's all I can say about that. Pictures on or about May 23, 2010!   The happy couple is registering for all their household items at Macy's and Target.  Brings back alot of old memories of starting out all those years ago when I needed EVERYTHING, including the kitchen sink. This is such an exciting time!

#2 Tomorrow is Ben's last cross-country meet for this year. Weather is looking dicey, but I believe it takes a monsoon to cancel these meets, so I am planning to gather up the umbrellas!

#3 We've been firing up the woodstove for the last few evenings... I love the cozy feeling it gives the house. Especially when walking in from the cold, damp weather we've been having!

#4 Dancers: I've got three beautiful ballet dancers living here now! Hannah is 6 and in her third year; Rebecca is 14 and has never taken dance before. The school they attend offers a class for teens who have never danced but want to learn. This is perfect...some stretching and basic ballet exercises. Jessie, at 19 , has been dancing since she was three. She thought she wouldn't be able to fit three classes a week into her schedule, but missed it so much that she is finding the time!

#5 Boys' movie night.  Dan works long hours and doesn't get to spend alot of time "playing" with Thomas. So we instituted a guys' movie night. We got ideas from here . It is working out great and is quickly becoming something they look forward to each week. Quality time with Dad does not necessarily have to mean wrestling and throwing around a ball. Sharing these movies has opened up some great conversations between the two of them and has become a tool for bonding we hadn't considered.

#6 Girls' movie night. Not to be outdone, Hannah has insisted on her own movie night with Mom... complete with a "No Boys Allowed" sign posted on the door.  That's OK with me, because I have the complete Seasons 1 & 2 of  Little House on the Prairie on DVD . Without realizing it, these have served as the perfect counter-balance to the Disney Channel culture, which, try as I might to resist, seems to keep seeping into this house, like so much sludge! After only one epsode of Little House, Hannah was deciding which dress to wear the next day. She has a particular calico dress which looks alot like Laura's. 

#7 If you think you are hearing maracas coming your way, it is probably just me. I am taking so many vitamins and supplements in my effort to resist colds and flus this season and to fight the nagging cold I do have, I must rattle when I walk! I have to say, even though I do have a cold, it has been mild compared to past colds. I just wish I could get to feeling 100% again, because a nagging cold that drags on, even though not serious, is just annoying!

Have a beautful weekend!

There's gonna be some changes 'round here

When I began this homeschooling journey all those years ago, I had visions of lots of creativity; no workbooks; the children leading the charge on all the exciting learning adventures we would embark upon.  I am still waiting on that fairy tale. ( see my castle in the clouds)

 
 
  I know for some families this type of schooling is not a fairy tale; but here  in my reality I have a household which is, to say the least, distracting.  I have college people ( three of them at the moment) coming and going at various times throughout the day; I have high-schoolers who have needs for rides and advice; I have a dear, hard-working husband who also lays claim to a part of me. So, I guess I am realizing that I need to create a vision for my two homeschoolers that meshes with the reality of this house.

I know it is only the beginning of November, but we are already in that familiar  mode of schooling which is more typical of late-spring... where work is something to get out of the way so we can get on to more important stuff ( i.e.  the latest Wii game, Club Penguin, playing with the dog, etc...)  Yes, school has become lots of "read the chapter, do the workbook , pack it up for the day". I have been reading on several blogs about the "morning basket " and I am making this part of our day. For our purposes, the morning basket consists of items that would certainly enrich our learning experiences, but are not necessarily required. So at this moment in our morning basket you would find  writing journals and sketchbooks, American history enrichment (a series of books called  Brown Paper School USKids History ) , autumn stories, a biography of Saint Thomas Aquinas, DK Eye Wonder Rocks and Minerals, and a small Rock Science Kit.  Also, since November is the month of All Souls, I have a small box in there with memorial cards from wakes of our family members who have gone before us and those friends and acquaintances we have lost this past year. We choose one each day and pray in a particular way for the soul of that person.  When I get our Tree of Thanks together around the middle of the month, there will be leaves in the basket for them to write the many things they are grateful for.  Then, of course, I will have something in there when Advent begins.  I love the basket idea because it will change all the time, depending on the Liturgical Year, the season of the year, and our own family's activities.  I am hoping the constant change of the contents of the basket will keep their interest.   

So what other changes do we need to make 'round here, you ask?  Well, with the clocks moving back this weekend, it seems to me this is an oportunity to start getting my day going a little earlier than I've been.  Same goes for the kiddies. The first shift of people leaving the house in the morning is gone at 7:00. Once they leave, the next crew doesn't take off 'til after nine. So, I wake up Thomas and Hannah at seven and while I get their breakfast going, they can pick through the basket and choose something to read or do during this time. Today, Thomas worked on classifying his rocks and Hannah worked on sketching with the help of A Catholic How-To-Draw from Catholic Heritage Curriculum.  Several of my children have enjoyed this book before her, and I've been known to proudly display my masterpieces as well. Once breakfast is cleaned up and they are dressed and ready for the day, we attack math and other academic subjects. When that is done it is usually lunch time.  My challenge here is to make good use of our afternoon time... this is typically a time when I get distracted by any and all of the following assailants: the phone, the internet, the housework, the food in the fridge (which is constantly calling my name), the laundry, errands, the catalogs which are arriving by the dozens in the mailbox each day.  So, my solution?  I think at the moment, the answer is going to be leaving the house altogether. I am going to try and hit the library once a week and possibly a quick field trip on another day.  Fridays, I like to be home in the afternoon to get a leg up on the housework so I have a fighting chance of enjoying the weekend in a clean house.

Well, this all looks pretty easy and as I read back through this post I see the most difficult obstacle I have to overcome to make any changes here is me! Wish me luck! Better yet... could you whisper a little prayer for me as I attempt to come just a little bit closer to my original vision for our homeschool?  

Young Love...

Well, if all goes as planned, Jessie will have pulled off a terrific surprise for her boyfriend, Tom, today. It involved Dan getting some tickets for Phantom of the Opera  on Broadway  into work Thursday so my brother could pick them up and arrange for his friend, a waiter at a restaurant where Jess is buying Tom dinner before the show, to deliver the tickets to the table with dessert! Phew. This surprise has been about three months, maybe more, in planning, so the following pictures are not, I repeat, NOT, a reflection on Jessie's confidence in Dan's memory (or lack of), but more a reflection on how important pulling off this surprise is!

And I hope this explains the reminder on the side of Dan's armoire Thursday morning:

And on the front of the armoire:
 

And on the bathroom mirror:

In front of the coffee pot:

And just in case he didn't get dressed, shave, or (heaven frobid) make coffee, these were plastered all over the front door.

OK, I get it... we can be forgetful at our ages! This may have been a tad over-the-top, don't you think?

But then again, I choose to believe that this just shows her deep affection for Tom, and Dan is happy to help in any way he can.

(Still, I just had to call to make sure he didn't leave the bag on the train... just in case)

 
 
 

The weekend in pictures

It was a very full weekend here. Dan, Ben, and our dear friend Joe hiked up Mt. Washington in New Hampshire. They left Friday and returned early Sunday evening, just in time to enjoy the end of the ninth annual Friar Supplier picnic. Friday night I hosted our family Rosary here and Saturday I spent the second half of the day at a friend''s block party. Sunday began with 8AM Mass then preparing for the picnic. I baked plain brownies, pecan brownies, apple crisp, and I made keilbasa and sauerkraut in the crockpot. The picnic for us ended after the last dish was dried and chair stacked! We got home around nine!  Lots of fun and food with lots of great people!

First some pictures from the hike. I am jealous because they got to see scenery like this:

 

 

This reminds me of the first moonwalk . They got to plant a flag at the top of Mt. Washington?

 

After a loooong hike (over nine hours round trip!)

 

On to the picnic.  Brother Mariano entertained the children with an Oreo cookie game.

 

It involved sticking the cream side of the oreo on your forehead and attempting to get it in your mouth without using your hands!  That's why it was a game for the kids!

 

Here is Fr. Luke introducing the nine new postulants. They came from all over the country... California, Massachusetts, Ohio, New Jersey, Nebraska.  What a great bunch of guys! Pray for them as they pursue their vocations! They just arrived last week.

 

Brother Mariano entertaining again. He must have been a street performer in his life before joining the Friars!

 

My friend Kim (#6 on the way!) with two of the Sisters of the Renewal.  Such joy!

 

More joy!

 

Did I mention there was music?  I have to say, this was the part of the day I was dreading. In past years, Ryan Barrett would be accompanying the Friars on his guitar. His absence this year left a huge void for those of us who love and miss him.

 

 

I love this picture. Three sisters enjoying the music.

 

The fun went on after dark as the teens were playing a game. It looks weird, but they love it.. I think it's called Ninja.

 

I'll end with this shot. My daughter Becky in the middle of her two buddies. Getting punchy at the end of the day.

Happy Music

This morning my four oldest children got up at the insane hour of 3AM and took the train into Manhattan to see Jason Mraz perform on the Today show. I don't usually watch the Today Show, but I love the fact that in the summer, they feature popular performers who perform outdoors in Rockefellar Center... free to the public. It warms this mother's heart that my kids, really young adults, planned and carried out this little field trip on their own. So for all you moms of bickering children, take heart! They may actually grow up and like each other. I think mine just might. What I like about Jason Mraz is his music seems to send a very positive message... at least the music I've heard. It is really upbeat and just makes me want to smile. And so I share this you tube video of today's performance:

You can also hear one of his most popular songs on this   wildly popular post  from this past May.

Those Summer Days...

A few of my favorite pictures so far this summer:

Thomas turned nine this summer and one of his favorite things is spending time at the ocean.

 

Becky and Jess love getting a bit of sun, too.

 

Hannah commands the waves.

 

Two best friends awaitng the fireworks on the Fourth of July.

 

No summer would be complete without plenty of tree climbing.

 

My fun-loving brother got all excited to see he shared his name with the ice cream man... had to get a picture of that!

Keep Holy the Lord's Day

That's what they're doing at Catholic Vote , and I think it's a great idea.

Signing off 'til Monday! 

We've been celebrating again!!!

The month of June is always a busy one around here.  It begins on the sixteenth with my birthday (29 again!) and then  we have Jessie's birthday on the 17th, Father's Day in there somewhere, and on the 21st, our wedding anniversary (23 years ) Of course I know the math doesn't work out there, what with me being 29 and all, but that's my story, and I'm sticking to it!

This weekend we have a few things planned. Continuing work on one of my birthday gifts (details in an upcoming post ).  On Saturday we will be heading down to the beach, to the town where Dan grew up.  His mom, Claire was a Third Order Franciscan, and her community has purchased a statue of St. Francis which they will be dedicating tomorrow afternoon outside the convent of our old parish.  We are planning to attend with all six of our kids; Dan's sister will be there with her two little ones; and my sister will also be there.  A simple ceremony followed by coffee and cake and hopefully sharing some fond memories of a truly wonderful and holy woman whose life was cut short at age 62 by an aneurism. She is greatly missed, but we are honored to be included in this kind gesture by her former community.

Saturday morning Jessie and Hannah are due at the dress rehearsal for their ballet.  Big sister will drive little sister to the statue commemoration afterward and we will all have dinner with my newlywed niece and her husband who live in that neck of the woods.

Sunday will start, of course, with Mass. Then its back to work on that gift! We break at two for the ballet, but I suspect work resumes after the ballet. I am so exicted to see this performance. Jess has been rehearsing like mad. She is either working or rehearsing these days. I can't wait to see the results of all that hard work.  Hannah will be dancing as well. Her group is supposed to  be dolls... cute with pigtails and pinafores.  The director of the ballet school they attend creates an original performance every year... especially geared to the abilities of her students. It is a very special, one-of-kind show. Not so much a "recital" as one continuous production with a loose plot and beautiful classical music throughout. I can't wait!

In addition to the special events of this past month, we've kept up with the usuals... track (Thomas's relay team took a silver and a gold in the regional championship); ballet; homeschool stuff; new job for Ben; summer plans (we are taking a trip this year);  and somehow we need to plan next year's schooling!

Happy 19th to my amazing girl!!

 

And Happy Father's Day/Anniversary to the best Dad/Husband I could have ever hoped for!